My friend Chaun, participates in a cool creative writing group called Sunday Scribblings, where they provide you with a weekly writing prompt and you write! I have been reading these for the past month or so and have always wanted to participate, but you know...NO TIME! (Note to self: organize your life better so you can find more time!).
This week's prompt is MUSIC. I just can't resist. It's almost 11pm and I still have loads of work to do, but for now it is going on hold, because music is a subject very near and dear to my heart. Music is a vast subject and one that I could dedicate many many posts, journal writings, conversations, scrapbook pages etc. too. Since it is a vast subject, the girls on scribblings ask - What's the first thing that comes to your mind to write about music?
Music is powerful. Music effects my life in so many positive ways. Particularly these past few days. The past few days for me have been rough. I have been feeling so overwhelmed by all the responsibilities I hold and by all the things I am trying to do for myself, my family, my career etc. On Thursday morning I just lost it. I mean lost it to the point of crying uncontrollably - like a nervous breakdown or something. I am just hyper-worried about everything - about things going wrong, about Brayden and his ADD issues, about not being able to lose all the weight I need to, about something happening to Alex or my children. JUST EVERYTHING. I can't even describe it really. I still am feeling out of sorts - but better. And a large part of why I am feeling better has to do with Music. Thursday night I was able to go out on my walk/jog and like a dear friend, my ipod was there. I set it to shuffle as I always do when I exercise, and just let the music play. I immediately started to cry at the sound of the first notes. The first song was from Vivaldi's four seasons - I think this one was a fall allegro. It was emotional and perfect for how I was feeling. As if the playlist were created by God Himself, the music along my entire 45 minute workout spoke just to me, I prayed as I cried. It made me sad, made me ask questions of myself, it made me answer those questions, it helped me come up with a plan, it made be grateful and most importantly, it helped me to reflect. Music is reflection. Music is hope. Music is Powerful. When I came home from my walk - I lay-ed in our hammock continuing to listen to my music in the dark for about another 30 minutes and then came in the house and went to bed. When I went to bed, I had the thought, among may others, that I need to be more giving. I need to be more charitable, I need to do something for others. That will help lift me up.
The next morning, as we all lounged around in our pajamas, at about 11am, the doorbell rang and it was a member of our bishopric. I hear him tell Alex, "We have a calling for Jayme". So he comes in, sits down and continues to tell us how "they have prayed about Jayme" looking for the right calling for me. Many callings have come about, but none of them seemed to be right for me. "This calling" he says, "is in the Young Women's". I am immediately excited because I have always loved young women's - it was so critical for me as a young girl and some of my greatest memories come from young women's. Anyway, he continues to tell me about my calling. "Now this is a calling that we have not had before, but it is something that the young women's president feels very strongly about, she is very passionate about music. In this calling, we need you to help the girls gain a love for music - for good music, music that is uplifting, healing and encouraging for the girls." He went on to explain that I would not be "leading" the music in church or deciding on music sung in church, but this is a "creative calling". "It is a calling where you will need to work with the YW presidency to plan music for the girls activities, guide them in what to listen to and help them gain happiness and knowledge from music. Will you accept?" Now mind you, I am not a very active church member, I try to be, but we just don't always make it there. But i do want my life to follow that direction. So...of course I will accept the calling. I am absolutely overjoyed by it!
A coincidence I ask you? I think not. God answers prayers in marvelous ways. While it may not be an immediate solution to what I am struggling with at the moment, it does help to show me the way. A way through music. I have always been able to count on music to help guide me and lift me out of dark and dingy places - like I was on Thursday. It gave me hope as I listened and it will give me humility and a guiding purpose over the next few years in this calling.
Another conclusion I came to this weekend is the importance of helping Brayden to continue to develop his musical talents. I have been worrying so much about him. I just really want to find him a place (talent) he can call his own. I think that music is going to be it for him. He has the talent. We just need to build him up and help him believe in himself.